F49
Aftercare
November 25 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hey nibbleme, I read something, somewhere, maybe here, about the Dom having total responsibility for bringing a sub back down to earth and grounding him/her back into their functional everyday experience if that's what you mean by aftercare. I have no idea myself of BDSM, but you may find an article on fetlife or something. They seem to take the BSDM lifestyle pretty seriously there in terms of looking after each other, roles of each etc. Hope that helps.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I was thinking breaky in the morning with fresh brewed coffee.
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RHP User
12 years ago
.... Vanilla sex and a debrief helps.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hi nibbleme. I need lots and lots of being held and soft words (usually praise) and stroking/caresses, snuggled under the doona or a blanket with him. When I'm almost coherent again a drink of water is next, then a smoke lol. After discussing how it all went then its time for some chocolate and a hot drink.
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RHP User
12 years ago
by long arms feeling all the sticky stuff still on me. Haveing a warm shower and hopping back to bed, making breaky and saying so long with another promising kiss.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'.... Vanilla sex and a debrief helps. + coffee and we haven't even met....
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RHP User
12 years ago
we dont cuddle or anything, but we have a light hearted chat, i know about their lives, though im guarded about mine-as a Mistress that is
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't understand what aftercare is. I'll learn here.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks everyone. I've been doing a lot of reading on it. For those that don't know, it's the time after a bdsm session whether it's really intense or even not so, to help both parties return to the real world so to speak. I understand that it seems to mainly be needed by subs but I'm thinking that Dom/mes can also need it. Most seem to say they just need cuddling, a drink of some kind and maybe a smoke. I've found that I don't go through the drop in emotions straight away, more like 24 hours later. I'm just interested to here how everyone copes and what they do to recover. Thanks everyone! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'nibbleme' I'm thinking that Dom/mes can also need it. I totally need aftercare! . Was reading up on aftercare and Sub drop this morning. I learned a fair bit! Thank you Google and Wikipedia.
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cbdlivin
12 years ago
Aftercare for people does vary, but for me I used to provide physical contact first and foremost, cuddling, making sure she was alright such as dealing with any major bruising etc. Also always made sure food and drink was available as it can be thirsty work. I was never rushed after a scene as it was nice just to relax and both come back to earth. Sometimes talking, sometimes not as this would depend on the after affects and intensity of the scene. Some scenes silence is better afterwards. B
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RHP User
12 years ago
To me, aftercare is attending to the damage! After we have both cum and I might be covered in cuts, blood, burn wounds .. All sorts, then she will take on the roll of a caring wife and helps me clean, and apply dressing and bandages etc - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
To be untied first is always a good start :)Then lots of Kisses and Cuddles with pillow talk please!
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Lovinit28andKC72
12 years ago
When coming down, I need to just lay there for a few minutes for my own self reflection. Then yes it time for the gentle touches, the gentle kisses, me wrapped in his arms, a chat about everything and then a nice hot shower......💋 A fantastic session combined with this, really does make for a wonderful experience......💋
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tamworthguy46
12 years ago
My Aftercare in preference, would always be soft sensual, kissing and touching, and loving, It really depends on the relationship, and what the sub wants and needs......it's all about the sub to me !......yeah I probably don't have to add to that. Tam
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Iniquitous_Ways
12 years ago
@ 7blonde I had a good chuckle about your suggestion to untie the person first. Is that really a prerequisite for you? I think some aftercare would be quite erotic leaving the lovely lady still bound. @ nibbleme I am sure many will attest here thataftercare is the most important part of any D/s play. But it also fair to say that afterplay is different for everyone and what works for some doesn't for others. That is why Doms and subs must communicate and learn what each other desires. To Me the most important part of aftercare is to make sure the sub and the Dom, reconnect in a loving way. That emotional connection is just as important as the physical. It is that closeness and connection which will help avoid the negative aspects of sub drop. No doubt you will receive wisdom from many on this site. Enjoy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
♡ Iniquitious Ways Still being bound can be absolutely erotic and sensual 💋 But sadly I'm finding that my sudden drop is not until hours afterwards and if I've ended up by myself with my own thoughts, self hugs, I feel flat and disconnected. Does anyone else feel this way? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I feel the drop negates the high :( - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I find so much easier to ask for what I need sexually but so much harder to ask and receive what I need on an emotional level. It's always been my problem and I tend to loose interest very quickly when I'm not emotionally fulfilled. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
closeness... usually holding / spooning... if you have spent time working on getting somewhere that makes them feel very intense there will be a reaction when you stop... understanding that and making the aftercare an integral part of what you are doing ends up as a much better experience... the simple things can be the best like just being close...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I need to touch my Sir, I love when he collapses on the bed all spent and he opens his arms to me, then I am able to curl up beside him and whilst we talk, I can just stroke his body, chest, arms and thighs, all while being held tightly and talking........ I recently asked if I could give him a massage so as to satisfy my need to touch him :). I feel satisfied in so many ways, it just grounds me.
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Iniquitous_Ways
12 years ago
@ 7Blonde. Subdrop is something which, as you have indicated, can happen hours later. It is why the Dom must make sure His submissive is okay, no longer how long it takes. you cannot have such an emotional high then not expect to feel an emotional low. Perhaps it is a case of finding the right person to share such experiences with. Talking before playing is important and its significance cannot be downplayed. Don't give up on something you enjoy because of previous bad experiences.
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RHP User
12 years ago
My first time subbing was a different world for me. Afterwards I was told to put my clothes on and practically pushed out the door. I cried all the way home.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That's so horrible and so wrong, I hope that you have found a proper Dom who takes care of you........ Yes, always be so careful when finding someone, some just take it as a licence to use and abuse..... I only wish the best for all your experiences from now on....
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RHP User
12 years ago
I dabbled for a bit but I wasn't really interested after that. It's just interesting that this might have been the reason I didn't want to explore any further...
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RHP User
12 years ago
BDSM... swinging... fetish... vanilla or whatever... if someone shoved you out the door the minute they were finished I think there would be the same reaction - you not wanting to explore any more... our experiences influence our views on what we repeat... BDSM/fetish can be very intense both physically and mentally... if the care taken to get someone high does not cater for the fact they are going to come down to earth again then the main memory is going to be the after effect...
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tamworthguy46
12 years ago
Quoting 'SacralChakra' My first time subbing was a different world for me. Afterwards I was told to put my clothes on and practically pushed out the door. I cried all the way home. That's just not acceptable in any situation, especially a submissive, that saddens me also !
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RHP User
12 years ago
So pleased nibbleme that you have brought up this subject. I remember posting a topic about aftercare a few years ago here and it was disappointing that so many who play in the world of BDSM don't give a lot of credence to what goes on after play. Many weren't even aware of the concept. Of course aftercare can often be relative to the intensity of the play. If its a light spanking session, its possible that aftercare is not even required. However if it has been an intense play, rope play for example where subspace has been reached and the endorphin rush was off the chart, aftercare becomes a very important factor. The submissive may have reached an intimate state of ecstasy and as we know, what goes up must eventually come down. The Dominant needs to be aware that even a few days later, the submissive may need comfort, discussion and at the very least knowing that the Dom cares and is in touch with the needs of the sub. Aftercare then often becomes the glue of the relationship... Since 50 Shades of Grey (please don't base all your BDSM thinking on that book ! lol) brought elements of BDSM play into the fringes at least, of the mainstream (lets see what happens when the film comes out) and became a water cooler discussion point where it had been previously a taboo topic, many people wanted to try BDSM play. Whilst that's a cool thing in many respects (lots of kinksters would prefer it stayed in the Darkness where it's deemed to belong) there will have been many instances of people needing aftercare, yet the "Dom" would simply not have been aware of the need. So, if you are intending to play like this - find a Mentor or at least google a few important terms (or join fetlife) and educate yourself before taking the plunge. Like anything new and needing to be done well, planning is the key. The better a play is planned whilst maintaining a degree of surprise and fun, the better the result will be during and after the play. BDSM ChecklistSafewordsAftercare As far as the type of aftercare (getting back to the OP's original question), that's very much dependant on the people involved, their relationship (a once off, playbuddies or life partners) and the style and type of play indulged in. BDSM play can be incredibly intense where the realm of fantasy and reality may become intrinsically entwined and emotions run hot...tears are not uncommon...so the need for comfort afterwards is often paramount and cannot be underestimated. A Dom may also wish to show their sub how proud they are of them for being prepared to take their sexuality to the very edge... Personally I like cuddles and hugs and closeness. Great topic, thank you for posting. Make your play creative, sexy and fun and then go for it ! Darkman.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you for posting, you brought up valid and necessary points, one such being........ " The Dominant needs to be aware that even a few days later, the submissive may need comfort, discussion and at the very least knowing that the Dom cares and is in touch with the needs of the sub ".......... Yes, it is not only the immediate care that is so important, I found that I rely on my Sirs interaction with myself through text and email for a few days after beneficial, as I replay my reactions to what Sir has introduced me to, especially after taking me further than I thought I could go...
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RHP User
12 years ago
For me, after an incredibly intense session, I'm not capable of vocalisation, let alone cuddles. I can even lose my sight. At times like these I need a warm blanket and physical pressure, like a good masseuse never lets their hands leave the body of the client. Something as simple as the Dom/me needing to go to the toilet can feel like total abandonment. Physical pressure & stroking is what I need, and as I finally come back to earth I'll need help to recall my surroundings along with eye contact with a smile in your eyes saying "You've done good". Eventual assistance to sit up and drink water then perhaps help to finally walk, especially to the bathroom. Then I'm needing cuddles and strokes and chats. I'm really lucky to have never experienced the sub drop hours or days later so I can't advise there, but I can easily understand why it's important. Maybe it's because I get great immediate aftercare? Maybe it's because we are all different. Although agree Big Mamma, follow up contact, even by a simple text, lets me know they are thinking of me, and that is very important considering I gave so much by letting go and trusting them implicitly. Great topic.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The most intense times have been spent with my husband and a very special friend. On the physical spectrum, a shower followed by cold packs to settle the bruising and skin wounds are a given. But an overnight stay inclusive of a lovely vanilla MFM session in the morning, progressing to room service breakfast is a balm for the mind. We can all come down together and part content and happily expectant of the next night we re all together...
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