F44
How do I go from Sub to Dom?
December 17 2017
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
I would ask him what he likes and how he likes to be dominated. Some guys are into humiliation I have found. It’s hard to slap someone across the face and verbal abuse them when your instinct is to mother them. :p
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twowithnolimits
8 years ago
@candy You are right it is hard to be something you are not @Angel if your partner is truly sub then he will sense you are play acting if you try to be something you are not which cannot be satisfying for either of you perhaps what you need is a dom for you and one for him too? or perhaps you need to focus your play on areas where you are compatible? in recent times past we tried to make people what they weren't by hormone treatments, electroshock therapy and various other behavioral conditioning methods
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RHP User
8 years ago
You can't. However you can roleplay? As two said.... A DOM for you both..... Now that could be fun 😁😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
You can still retain your normal roles, and yet do activities that seem to imply the reverse (role play perhaps as above). For example, I was talking with someone who mentioned her Dom "instructed" her (as the Sub) to peg him. Which she did. You might expect the woman in this scene to be acting as the Dominant, but she wasn't, she was just pleasing him as he asked. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
First off why do you consider yourself as a Sub ?Sometimes a man is simply asking for you to be more assertive and initiate play .May not be your case but I am amazed how many folks describe themselves as Sub when in fact lazy or selfish might be more accurate .Maybe some more info on what type of Dom role he wants you to play .Power exchange can be played out many ways
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RHP User
8 years ago
So make of this what you will.... Being a dom, is about knowing what they want, and delivering it to them in YOUR way whilst respecting THEIR boundaries.... Like two rail tracks...in between the two rails, there’s is scope to move around in....outside of those two rails is a no go zone... But... As I said....I’m no dom so don’t hold me to any of this as being accurate... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Lazy and selfish? Harsh......... Speaking of myself..... when I first statred my journey exploring my own sexuality, I found it hard to initiate. It wasn't because I was lazy or selfish, it was because I felt awkward. I use to question myself "what if they dont want that or like that" so rather than feel like a dick, I wouldn't. Of course now I know different as its all about pleasure for you both. - "Your pleasure is my pleasure and my pleasure is your pleasure" - As you said tho, some folk do not understand the concept. 😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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Sawadee
8 years ago
I understand what you're saying about feeling awkward cause ackwardness brings apprehension. Problem is in our era we were raised to think of others before ourselves. It's a hard habit to break ?
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RHP User
8 years ago
I have no issue now. Although I am speaking as a switch, tho I do tend towards very submissive, however not the 'txt book' kind. When you begin to understand your phsyc behind it, its quite sexy as fuck. As for my everday personal life, another story. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Take charge as in? There are many ways to take charge. Too many to list really. You could have him please you till you cant cum anymore, then ask him to leave. You could have him wank in the local bushes for you, whilst you watch from afar. You could have him watch you being fucked by a bull then clean you up. You could make him edge for a week.... Not sure how far he wants you to go or do you mean be a little dominant in the bedroom... if so, let your hair down and tell him want you want, desire and need. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Cow girl and then seduce babe - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
May not be your case but I am amazed how many folks describe themselves as Sub when in fact lazy or selfish might be more accurate ooh grasshopper, you have a lot to learn
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RHP User
8 years ago
Forgot the quote thingies 😀
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RHP User
8 years ago
I should add something a little more constructive to the topic while I'm here ☺ Difficult to say how to do it given that it's individual to the dynamic between the two of you, but I agree with comments made above re being dominant isn't necessarily physical. I have to admit I cringe when I read comments or profiles focusing too much on the clinical aspects ie being tied up, whipped etc etc but for me, the dom/sub dynamic is best achieved with the power of our minds, the ability to (as a sub) let them have control, even small or quiet instructions can be a huge turnon. I would like to give a current example, but not wanting to share at the moment, largely because it's very personal. For me, it's roleplay but again without any props or costumes, simply being turned on by wanting to please, and no this is not an advertisement. My point is you firstly have to ask yourself if you really want to be dominant, in any capacity, as said above, it won't be good for you or him if you're not fully into what you're doing. If you are, then it starts with conversation to find out how to press his buttons. Early conversation can be all revealing. Look back at things he said, what turns him on. Would he like you to get physical with him ie buy a strapon lol or does he simply want you to give him orders/instruction, have you take control? Although there might be some truth in him wanting you to initiate more, I doubt that's his fantasy here. Interesting fact - starfish don't have a brain - true they don't 😀 the implication that a sub is a starfish is ridiculous. Anyone thinking that just doesn't get the dom/sub dynamic and would never get a birth in my personal space. For the record, I can't switch, being a sub gets increasingly intense and powerful in a way, very satisfying for both dom and sub, I have no interest in dominating men. Either way though, it's all or nothing, your mind has to engage and so does his. No-one can really tell you how to proceed here but good luck. Love to hear a follow up if you do go down that road 👍
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RHP User
8 years ago
Role play being dominant as others have suggested. Dress the part. It helps the role play. Practice giving orders in front of a mirror or ask your best friend if they will help you rehearse your role. I had a natural inclination to please when I was younger so when asked to tie a lover up and whip his arse, I did it. I enjoyed it. I did it again and again with other lovers, because I grew to like it. My point is, make a start. Try it and even if it is not your natural persona, the fact that you are pleasing him will help you through the initial discomfort. Also, look up some instructional videos on becoming a domme. There are women out there who train other femdoms. There might be someone in Perth. If, after trying it, you are really struggling even with role play, don't do it, after all, its not just about what he wants. Relationships are meant to be based on mutual pleasure.
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curiousnhorny05
8 years ago
So.. generally I love being submissive with my partner. But... times and places I switch to a more dominant person in bed. To me it’s about the dynamics rather than the tools but they do help of course. Sex can be a sensory experience and I think if you think of that it will help. You can come from two different points of view: - enjoying his body for your pleasure - sex for his pleasure Things like blindfolds not telling him what your going to do. Tying him up and leaving him in suspense. This is a good time to tease the receiving partner. Play with tempo get him there back off and keep going. Edging can be torture. If he tries to take back control then punish him and be creative. Sometimes if he misbehaves during sex, I’ll stop and count to 30. Or you can tell him he’s not allowed to touch you and do something you know he’ll want to touch you. Change the way you speak and act and it will drive him wild. Make him beg for it ;) enjoy 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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twowithnolimits
8 years ago
You imply another issue, and that is just what terms like sub and dom and take charge mean to people..things like blindfolds and stopping for 30 seconds just won't cut it for many, like your suggestion to be creative with punishment SO part of the problem in seeking advice is understanding a common language and that is rare once people starting talking D/s
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curiousnhorny05
8 years ago
Each relationship is different but sometimes the hardest point is starting the process. How does one transition to a new dynamic. The harder core dom type dynamics are probably not easy for a newbie. It’s up to the OP and her partner to define what that means. For example what dom/sub means in the vanilla world and even here compared to fetlife for example is a different thing. Now that is an education. - Posted from rhpmobile
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HarleyQandMrO
7 years ago
I have been a true Dom for many years and in my experience the answer is No!!! Natural Subs do not make Doms, they are wired differently and get satisfaction and have their needs met by submitting in many ways. There are various levels of submissions as we all know. To be a Dom, you need be assertive, confident, demanding and sexually aggressive and not worry about your actions, be able to switch off your natural conscience to a certain degree in order to perform certain acts. You have to be a certain type of person and wired a certain why in order to think, beating, torture, humiliation etc is acceptable and normal behavior. I took a very dominant role in the bedroom and was asked to switch - this did not work, my natural instinct was to fight back and take control as i am a Dom, the way a subs would be the desire to please and do as they are told. That all being said, i do agree with previous comments about role playing and dressing up. If this is something you really want to try, find out what your partner needs from you, his likes and dislikes, then decide what you are happy to do and try so that you are comfortable and expectations are set. Go shopping together and find that kickarse outfit that is going to make you feel sexy and confident. This is a role play and you must think of yourself as someone else, pick a name, madame, mistress, governess... .. I hope this works out for you, it may not be in your nature, but im sure you will both have fun giving it a go and who knows where that can lead. Just a thought :- Subs have their boundaries pushed, experience intense pleasure and pain as well as having their desires and needs fulfilled by their Dom. So who is really in charge??? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
7 years ago
take a look at ur self if ur a switch , if not find ur self a Dom
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RHP User
7 years ago
Why is it that when man is dominant it is about him being in control and when woman is in a similar position, it's her "just pleasing him as he asked"? He has his boundaries but you have your wants. There are degrees of everything. (Ms)
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HarleyQandMrO
7 years ago
Regardless of whether the male or female is the Dom, it's the Sub who sets the boundaries and dictates play. Once the boundaries are agreed upon, the Dom has full control to enact the kinks the Sub desires. In a true Dom/Sub arrangement, a female Dom will not have intercourse with her male Sub, nor will she give him oral. - Posted from rhpmobile
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