RHP

RHP User

F53

How does swinging really make you feel?

May 14 2019

Hi I've been in and out of the "scene" for 10 years or more now, with various partners. My current partner is what I'd describe as addicted to it, in that this is all he wants to do, every Friday/Saturday night. I'm not overly keen. I don't mind going to parties now and again but would like to mix up our social life. He, however, refuses. I'm sorry to say that I don't find many men attractive at all in the scene. I'd have to say that most women aren't either, but this doesn't seem to bother him. I need an intellectual connection to feel attracted to someone, and I just don't find that in clubs or parties. He, on the other hand, walks away on the rare occasion I strike up what I consider to be interesting conversations. I read lots of positive stories about how swinging strengthened people's relationships but I just haven't shared this experience. Instead, it has left me feeling devalued somewhat, not connected to my partner, and questioning how he can just fuck anyone regardless of their appearance. I find the rare sex I have had in the scene unsatisfying and mediocre at best. Anyone out there got thoughts on this? - Posted from rhpmobile

Comments

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  • hotdelights

    hotdelights

    7 years ago

    I think going back to the mentioning of attraction is the key then in his mine is lay her down to fuck and one miss the shots of a great fun horny night I think he thinking of the single guy in a two way street and is one way 4 u so it's meaning of his mind.... is me first and not much talk before walking through the door as not communicating of your thoughts too

  • sahzpete

    sahzpete

    7 years ago

    Been married for 42 years and swingers for 10 years, it works for us, but it is only a small part of our life and its all about finding balance if all things in your life , but for us men in most cases are a lot more stronger drive to play with others than the ladies , you have the power to say no to not going all the time ,Tell him you only want to play once a month for the sake of you relationship and see what happens , as they say it will ether fix it or fuck it. if he dose not like it, it will bring it to a head one way or the other, it sounds like you are not happy in this relationship , Also how is your sex life and your normal time when it is only you and him or is he only with you because you are a swinger and he gets to play with other women ? Hope you can sort it out.

  • JohnAnn2227

    JohnAnn2227

    7 years ago

    Hi, We both love swinging and have been involved in the lifestyle together since our early 20s before we got married. We feel that it has made our already special relationship even more so. We have developed total trust in each other and want nothing more than to see and help each other get the most pleasure possible. We swing on average twice a month with a group of friends or at a club. The sex can be mindblowing or not. We always need to have made a connection with the other couple, guy or girl for us to play. We never "take one for the team". Some of our closest friends (and godparents to our second child) we met through swinging. Swining also provides me with a way to satisfy by bisexual needs.Unfortunately it sounds like this is the opposite that you are experiencing. Your partner is selfish, has no consideration for you and I pity anyone who meets up with him as they will not enjoy a memorable experience with him.Ditch him as he is using you!XXAnn

  • Mctag9

    Mctag9

    7 years ago

    At a party, he was trying to root anything that moved and he was ignoring, extremely jealous and intimidating to her whenever she was trying to get involved - My partner and I and another couple were basically keeping her company and consoling her whilst he was being an arsehole. We had agreed to meet the other couple the next night in Geelong and invited her if she was keen. She rang us the next day and came down spent the night, to cut a long story short she had great time, rang him while we were there and dumped him - She became a good friend who we played with until I had to move back to Perth but the change in her personality and happiness once the arsehole was gone was so rewarding to see. :)

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I completely relate to where you’re coming from, although I’m not in a relationship at the moment. The lack of selectivity of my ex/playmates turns me off. I’m quite happy going home without doing anything if an intellectual connection and physical attraction aren’t there. I don’t drink so I’m usually conscious at these things. I get turned off by what I see is lack of sensuality and mechanical boring sex. However, I have met some lovely people on RHP who do provide a beautiful experience.

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Your value is yours alone to measure. Pleasing others is ultimately a game you can never win. If it’s not for you or he is not for you leave. Best Wishes.

  • Psyly

    Psyly

    7 years ago

    As an emotionally intelligent guy I'll tell you what I think is going on. Firstly, you have to look at the intellectual disparity between you and your partner - are communications as interesting to you as him? What do you derive out of sex and swinging? If there is a general but palpable difference in the mental game and what stimulates you versus him, then this goes beyond swinging and you have to determine whether general compatibility is an issue or not. I, for example, am on the other side of this - I generally want to talk and interact more while my partner would rather just have fun, and so there are different degrees of this in every person. However - one thing that is hard to comprehend (because we generally are able to only empathize with what we understand within ourselves) at times is how sex plays a part in a guy's brain when he's really physically horny. As a guy who gets that way also, I can tell you that theres nothing wrong with it and its lovely, but it really does become a priority, like hunger, and you just gotta stick it in something. All that being said, I generally do not buy into the hype that swinging strengthens most couples. I believe for the most part it gives room for an otherwise unhappy couple to create a buffer so they are not going head to head which reduces friction. So in a way it does strengthen it, but not in the way romanticized by hype. That being said, if it forces both parties to grow, challenge personal insecurities, and create more love and care between one another then great, and I'm sure this does happen with some people. But I personally observe unhappiness being avoided through swinging rather than an enhancement of passions.

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